WHAT'S ON BRITSKÉ LISTY

Life According to... SHE

1. 8. 2010 / Jana Valdrová

Then I immediately move to the latest messages SHE has for me. I can't imagine my day without that advice -- it gives me energy, self-confidence ("Do Something For Yourself, Go Shopping!", "Always Smile at Others"), regulate my actions.

SHE gives me invaluable information, like (I had no idea about this) that we can spot a lesbian by looking at the type of watch she is wearing, besides the way she moves her body. Today, for example, SHE tells me that "Sperm Supposedly Helps Against Depression"... Alright, so I'll finish writing this article and go look for some sperm...

SHE always finds a way to entertain me: SHE offers me tarot card psychics, cake recipes, fashion tips. After what SHE told me, I can't leave home without my artificial nipples. Not long ago, SHE tried to shave some men's legs and found out that it hurts them... SHE then realized that I should be cleaning the house more often, instead, because thus I would protect myself against breast cancer.

SHE helps me find orientation in my personal life and at work. Last year SHE introduced me every week to important women; 52 of them portrayed for me. So I followed the example of those chosen women on what is most important in life: to be the offspring of someone important or to marry/widow someone important. Fifteen ladies, plus one Countess filled up those preconditions. Each important because they were related to someone important.

The second largest group from those portrayed women were 13 which worked in "soft" professions: actresses, singers, a miss, a dancer, a fashion designer and a hairdresser. Female politicians and some newscasters showed up as well. The ladies from Parliament were subjected to a tough test: we had to choose, based on their stylized pictures, which of them was sexier, who among them was the top babe. The Internet forum under the article had many people protesting that we should judge them for their work, but occasionally someone confirmed what the iDnes.cz magazine SHE team wanted, wanting to know how can that Němcová be a politician with those terrible looks?

SHE soon later transferred that public opinion survey to TV lady moderators. Luckily, this time, comparing just their faces. Who knows, one day maybe even scholars like me will be put to test. And pity for those who won't be sexy enough, considering how funds for research are now so difficult to get...

But there is no reason to panic. SHE, who cares about my health and appearance, gives me hope. In one article called "Naked and Beautiful", SHE tells me how -- if I will follow what SHE says -- I can look 40 when I am 60 and 30 when I am 70...

Thanks a lot, magazine SHE...

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