God, protect us from the temptation of the Olympic Games

2. 3. 2010 / Miloslav Štěrba

What would it be like if the Olympic Committee entrusted us with a... Prague Summer Olympics?

I tried to build a (funny, but tragically close to the potential truth) list of in what we would come out superior, a sort of TOP 10, not in sport disciplines, for it makes no sense to write about us in that area, since what we are good at is not part of the competitions in any Olympic Game...

For foreign fans enduring nights in front of our embassies, so that after paying a bribe they may a piece of paper with an astronomical number lie 37 495 as their place in the waiting list, while the Consulate personnel can give a maximum of 140 visas per day.

For, after arrival at Prague's Ruzyňe airport, unsuspecting fans buying quarter liter water bottles for a different type of record -- in this case of price abuse.

For fans being prey to illegal taxi cabs from the airport to their "Sancta Simplicitas" [no frills], "nothing-resembling-comfort" hotels.

For sports fans getting entrance tickets to the Opening Ceremonies only from some native middleman subdealer. And after trying to use the ticket ending up in a kafkian situation, arrested and interrogated all night, because it was falsified...

For the organizing country being shaked by some scandal, like malfunctioning tourniquets at the main venue, turning the wrong way, throwing fans back outside of the stadium. While organizers bureaucratically seeming to be just glad for having fulfilled the EU security requirements.

For some flag bearer chosen by the Prague city council in a secret ballot or our show-offy mayor Pavel Bém choosing himself for the honour at the last minute.

For some goofy mistake, like mixing up other countries' flags during the Opening Ceremonies. Lithuania would certainly not be happy about having received the Latvian flag to carry instead...

Given to the young members of our racist Neonazi party DS SS -- or in Czech the "Worker's Party of Social Justice" -- after a popular referendum, as a prize for secretly planting the Olympic flag at the [rebel President Václav Klaus' workplace] Prague Castle.

A "Red" Committee from the writer's PEN Club so-called golden seal offered to some "independent" (sic) newspaper -- anyone that, as done last year by one of our main titles -- judges that the most important event of the Prague Summer Olympics is what some top pop celebrity told her soon-to-be-former husband on the way off to Thailand holidays...

For the Closing Ceremonies falling into complete darkness after a private, ready-to-fight, commando unit trainees' group (those who illegally and now openly take care of the security of our monopoly energy provider giant ČEZ) occupies the lighting booth, after the organizers forgot to pay the last bill...

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